Panic and Peace

The meeting on 6th January with the general doctor was very challenging for us, as there were moments and things we spoke about we will never ever forget anymore. 

Now that my daddy is still able to communicate his thoughts and will in a very clearly way, the doctor tried everything to talk about all the uncomfortable topics in order and to respect his thoughts.

I was happy she spoke so clearly about the last steps… the possibility of euthanasia, reanimation yes or no, morphine and the development of the sickness. I have the feeling that patients in this situation require it. 

She than gave me and my father’s wife a crash course how to react in case of an epileptic attack. She prepared us that my daddy’s character could change. Aggressiveness, or becoming extremely emotional could become an issue. We should be prepared for headache or other pain. But there are patients who don’t have headache at all. She expects a cognitive decrease. That he’s becoming weaker and sleepier every day.

I got worried.

She stressed we need more help at home - especially as I have to leave for some days to work at the end of January. (If I will really leave is still a question mark.) 

Talking about the last days of my father she was asking him: 

D: “When do you want no life-prolonging treatments anymore?”

P: “When there is no quality of life anymore.” 

D: “What is the last point where you consider your life worth been lived?” 

P:” As long as I recognize my wife and my daughter it's worth being alive.”

How much strength must one have to say this?! 


I have to share with you what happened after this visit of the general doctor: Two days later my daddy had a bad day. We had some really dramatic scenes…he wanted to give up and thought he would die the upcoming days. He thought he needs euthanasia right NOW – but this wasn’t the case AT ALL!  This was the strong reaction on the meeting with the general doctor and talking about all these topics. I was extremely concerned and thought “now it’s over”.

The general doctor called the next day and this was calming. She said that this happens very often, that after the talk about the last days of their life, people think life is  over NOW. It often happens patients panic after that. Exactly this happened to us.

After the panic, my daddy had some very good days where he was enjoying life and feeling well. I hope this to continue as long as possible.

3 reacties

Hello Franziska, just now i got to read your blog. It is very impressive and very hard for you to see your dear father going away from you so soon and unespectid. And of course very heavy for him too. Sorry if not i have written every word alright. 

I recognize the change of character witch the desease causes from a friend. He also was more aggressive and impatience. But in his eyes we could see his greatfullness from being there.... You and your dad are 'a loving team', and also this time together will be one of priceless value! Hold on to the luck you being able to be with him. How difficult and extremly heavy it is.

Wish you lots of strength! Hebe

Laatst bewerkt: 17/01/2020 - 15:37

Dear Hebe

thanks for your reaction. You know, I think twice and triple if I should write all of this. It s so hard for me, and I fear it can be too hard for the readers. But I have to continue, because it helps to write this things down- as there I nobody here I can have a beer and talk.

So, thanks for your feedback and sharing your thoughts. And yes, I ll give my best, as he is giving his best. We keep this time going.

I wish you the best too!

Laatst bewerkt: 17/01/2020 - 22:35