Magic is in the most simple things

My daddy and his wife are extremely relieved that I stay here with them. I really feel that I did the right thing!

I have the feeling he lost weight. I really wonder how that shall come, as he ate and drunk more than enough but maybe it is like this. By the way, I read that other cancer patients experience cravings for ice cream too. 

He gets more and more tired. Sitting is already very hard for him. Walking is no question anymore. I don’t know if tomorrow we can bring him to the living room again. Already moving from the bed to the wheelchair is nearly impossible. He doesn’t speak so much anymore. The voice got really weak. He sleeps most of the day. 

He is so unbelievable thankful. He still speaks about the marvel of life and that he is so happy he can experience this magic with us. Magic means sitting in a small living room. His wife and me closed by. Eating something. Apple juice. A soup. Chatting.

Magic is in the most simple things.

“It gets so quiet here”, says his wife- the best wife ever. And that’s true. This quietness is so weird.

His big chair in the living room, where he was sitting on every day is getting so empty.

Silence and emptiness come, and the future goes away. Isn’t that weird? 

That tiny moment when you start to speak about a person in the past tense.

I cannot imagine me saying my father was …..

His neighbor, around 90years old, passed away recently. Went to the supermarket, ate dinner, the wife went to the kitchen and when she came back, he already was gone. I would really wish my daddy could leave us like this. 

But have the feeling I assist a cruel version. 

Afraid of thinking about what comes next.

“We shall live day by day as it comes.” said his wife. She is right. That’s what we will do.

2 reacties

Ach, thanks for that. I am just so happy I can write all these things down and imagine sharing with people who go through similar moments. thank you for the support! I know it's there ;) 

 

 

Laatst bewerkt: 24/01/2020 - 11:48