CANCER AND WORK “Poor Girl and Goodbye!”
Tow days ago I lost an important job. My situation is “too unpredictable” and the manager cannot rely on me. “Let’s keep in contact.” Bla bla bla.
Basically it’s this what he was saying: “Poor girl! And Goodbye”
Cancer affects not just one person, but all people around who have to handle this new situation. How to combine this “unpredictable” situation with work?
I am a freelancer working in the field of creativity and culture. Since 50 days I am in Holland- far away from my office, meetings, projects, family and my normal life. Since then I am cutting down my work and career. I cancelled some upcoming projects. I couldn’t go to meetings, cannot care for what comes next. Didn’t care about my network. Luckily, I can do some work online and share with my colleagues – but still, that’s maybe 30% of my normal workload.
I found it extremely difficult to tell my colleagues and clients. This information spreads through the whole institutions I am working for. It’s so private and personal and now my whole working places know about.
I hate it to be considered the poor one; the victim. – In a moment where I am fighting and being as strong as possible!
I wrote one manager of an institution I should work for now in January and explained my current situation. She didn’t even reply. In this case now I am just “cut out”. Don’t get the mails anymore.
Others just continue contacting me and expect me to respond fast and in a reliable way as they are used too. But I need more time. Cannot be available as I was before.
Have the horrible feeling that what I do is not enough and bad.
This whole situation made me recognize HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WORK. And I saw clearly which projects I can let go. And which ones are the important ones.
And I see that not every institution or manager will be comprehensive. I am angry about those leaders who cut me off in the moment of weakness. Just hate it. I really think that I honestly don’t even wanna work for such people anymore.
My priority is the situation of my father, but I feel like blocking my own life. Feel like this is too much. I wanted to go home last week, but then a big health crisis came- I just couldn’t leave. Now I feel the situation got stable again. We have more help now. I would wish to go home for some days next week. Go to my work, see my mother, sister and family. Very hard decision.
I am happy I am a freelance- that allows me being close to my daddy for so much time. But it’s a very precarious and risky situation.
And I find it hard to set the limits. I cannot say my boss wants I come home. It’s something I have to decide on my own.
I would wish to tell my clients: “Trust me, I will do my work, but not as immediate as before.” I would wish the institutions / clients could answer: “Strong girl! Take your time, we don’t run away. We’ll go through together. You are not alone.”