I could tell you day by day how things get harder and life gets less.

18th of December we got the diagnosis. With a life expectancy of 6 months - if you do a therapy. My daddy needs help in getting dressed. Walks to the car. Showers in the morning. Watches TV. 

24th of December was the last day we went out eating (!). Couldn't use knife and fork anymore, but the appetite was good, and he enjoyed. Very talkative and entertaining (as always). First problems with going to the bathroom.

30th of December meeting with the doctor in Groningen. She says according to the size of the tumor she didn’t expect the situation to be so stabile. Last time my daddy left the house. 2 days later he decides not to do a therapy.

4th January not able to sit on a table to eat anymore. From now on he eats from the sofa chair and barely moves from there. Last day he wears his clothes. From now on pajama. Going to the toilet around 6 times a night. I go to buy diapers.

5th January going to bed during the day what he never did before. No TV anymore. I have the feeling that the voice is now changed. Weaker. Softer. Until now the voice was strong and loud. Listening to Music in the evening.

6th Visit of the general doctor. Talking openly about the last will in his last days. He articulates clearly. He is still convinced he can cook (impossible from my point of view- he cannot even walk to the kitchen). He tries to avoid buurtzorg or another person at home. This doesn’t it make easy for me and his wife. No shower anymore.

In the night he falls and hits the head. Fortunately, he’s not wounded. We need 45minutes to bring him back to the bed. He isn’t able to get up anymore.

7th January: since days he craves for vanilla ice cream. He says he enjoys it so much- on a different way than before. He eats lots of it every day. I watched him and thought that this might be the favorite sugary cool dish of the growing monster in his brain.

8th January. I have the feeling he doesn’t see anymore. If I stay in front of him, he doesn’t seem to see me. Just if I talk, he reacts. Lying in bed he asks me to switch the light on. But it was switched on.

I have the feeling that problems in going to the toilet increase. Not just peeing alone becomes a problem… First time he says he has pain.


A healthy person talks about years.

A sick person talks about months.

A very sick person talks about weeks.

I am questioning me if we are talking about days in my daddy's condition? No clue what is coming next. 


3 reacties

i,ve read al your blogs wow its heavy for u but u stay so strong respect!! for  how u did this i wish u  power.....try to think of ure self its a  very   heavy time

greetings skippybal

Laatst bewerkt: 09/01/2020 - 21:18

You are as strong as your father I think, last period indeed . Very sad but also priceless you are so close together! 

Laatst bewerkt: 10/01/2020 - 01:29

I do think we -all of us people I intend - discover a power in us in this situations, we never were aware of. The time we spend together, you are right, is priceless.  

Laatst bewerkt: 14/01/2020 - 22:31